The picture on the left is me at about 235 pounds, 9/2007, and on the right at 185 pounds, 6/2008. I have a confession, I always hate my picture. It's a sad fact of life, I can look in the mirror and think I look sort of cute, then I see a picture that's taken five minutes later and I'm like what the hell, that's NOT what I look like! Even at my thinnest of 126 pounds about 10 years ago I hated my pictures. For some bizarre reason my husband loves to take pictures of me, even when I'm fat (why?). Thank God for digital cameras, I can delete them as fast as he can take them. If I was forced to choose one of the pictures above, I'd choose the picture at 185. At least that one sort of looks like how I remember myself.
It always amazes me how weight distorts our features, and makes us look so different. There's a semblance of ourselves underneath the layers of fat, but it's morphed us into something unpleasant to look at, it's not pretty. It's like we're trying to hide who we are underneath the fat, and run away from ourselves. I remember seeing the picture where I weighed 235 and absolutely hating it and hating myself for looking like a fat blob. I look at it now and I feel so sorry for that girl, how could I do that to myself? I must have had major self-loathing to pack on so many pounds that I became almost unrecognizable, even to me.
Taking pictures and documenting this journey is very important. I don't want to forget what I did to myself because I never want to do it again.
2 comments:
i think you look great. keep up the good work.
Diana, you look gorgeous regardless of your weight! I wish I had looked that good at 235!
I understand the feeling of hating seeing pictures of yourself. I had that happen all of the time when I weighed more. I'd think I looked nice and then see a picture later on and be mortified. It's amazing how our minds play tricks on us. And that goes both ways - I'm sure there are times that we look much better than we think we do. I also think you hit it dead on when talking about how the weight distorts us. I've often thought those same things. You're not alone!
PS - I just sent you an e-mail thanking you for yours!
Post a Comment