Last night

I dreamed that I ate an entire box of Weight Watcher Giant Frozen Latte bars. When I woke up this morning I was mortified because I thought it really happened. It didn't happen, the bars are still in the freezer, the two boxes are unopened. I actually thought about having one last night, but I decided against it. I was afraid it would trigger a binge, so instead I went to bed hungry and dreamed about a binge.

I'm glad it didn't really happen, but if it did and I'm not saying it won't, it wouldn't have been the end of the world. If I had eaten the entire box of latte bars (six), it would have been 10.5 Points. Big deal. 

The dream brought back bad memories of many mornings waking up after a binge thinking I've got to stop this, I have to do something about my weight, I have to get my eating under control. I'd start the day off good, eat healthy all day and usually by evening, lose my motivation and binge again. Night after night, day after day, until I managed to gain over 100 pounds, not once in my life, but three times. Each time I'd work hard and lose the weight, only to regain it. Each time I'd hate myself a little bit more. 

I'm determined this is the last time that I'm losing 100 pounds. I want to take a gentler approach towards myself this time, and not beat myself to pieces when I make mistakes. I know myself pretty well, and it's a given that I will screw up on occasion. It's a tough balance to allow myself to screw up sometimes, but not to take it to the next level and be a total screw up. I'm working on finding that balance.

Recipe:

I've been reading on several of my favorite blogs about pumpkin oatmeal. I looked at some recipes and came up with my own version, which I love, and it's only 5.5 Points for a huge serving. It's delicious on a cold morning. 

I don't actually eat oatmeal, I eat oat groats. They're chewier and better tasting than regular oatmeal. They have more texture and I find them very filling. The only bad thing is oat groats take 60 minutes to cook. I cook 8 servings on the weekend, put into individual containers and refrigerate. 

Pumpkin Oat Groats

Serves 1 

5.5 Points

1 serving cooked oat groats

1/4 cup 1% milk

cinnamon

Splenda

Combine and microwave until hot 

----

1/2  cup pumpkin

1/4 cup 1% milk

cinnamon

Splenda

dash of vanilla

Combine and microwave until hot

1/2 ounce of walnuts, broken into small chunks

Take the hot pumpkin mixture and top with the hot oat groats. Sprinkle with the walnuts pieces.

Enjoy

Note about Splenda: I only recently have given in to the evils of Splenda. I've never eaten artificial sweeteners because I couldn't stand the aftertaste. Then Splenda came out a few years ago, right about the time I started the South Beach diet, which at the time, warned against artificial sweeteners of any kind. About three months ago I caved and tried Splenda. It's actually not too bad. I use it rarely, so I guess it won't kill me. If you're not a Splenda user, you'll need to add Points for Stevia or honey (or heaven forbid, sugar).

Exercise 10/20/2008:

30 minute cardio blast (4.2/6.5/7.0 - one minute intervals)

30 minutes strength