We've left you six messages and you've never returned our calls.
Me: Um, yes, I know. Sorry. I guess I should have returned your calls. I know what you're calling about, and I'm not sure I want to do it.
Nurse: We have an order here for the surgery and we need to schedule it, but if you really don't want to do it, we can't make you. However, Dr. Zuck highly recommends you have the surgery.
Me: Okay, when? Sure, December 11 is fine.
You see, I have an ovarian cyst. There's absolutely no pain now, that mysteriously disappeared about two months ago, but the cyst decided to hang around. After two ultrasounds it's still there, the same size, no "shrinkage". It's what they call a persistent cyst. It's really not a big deal, unless you're a "mature age" like myself. Then it can become ovarian cancer, and I can die. That sort of makes it a big deal.
The surgery itself is laparoscopic outpatient surgery, I'll go home after four hours, and off work a couple of days. Really, it's nothing.
So if it's really nothing, why have I been ignoring the phone calls, pretending the cyst doesn't exist? This sounds horrible, but it's because I won't be able to exercise for two weeks. Seriously, that's why I didn't want to have the surgery. I was willing to put my life at risk just so I could continue with my exercise routine. I'd say I might have a bit of OCD with the exercise thing. Great, traded the food obsession for the exercise obsession.
I know it's silly and downright stupid to mess around with something that could kill me. On the other hand, I've worked so hard to reach this point where it doesn't really hurt much when I work out really hard. As I said in my last post, it's not fun, and I really don't enjoy it all that much, but it's not torture either. I don't want to go back to the chewing glass feeling when I work out, like it was in the beginning. I also don't want to stop the happiness from the endorphins. I don't want to lose that high I get from working out.
Another negative is if I don't exercise I have to eat less. I love to eat. I still haven't grasped the concept of eating to live, I lean more towards living to eat. I get 20 Points a day and my Flex Points, but I really count on those Activity Points to get me through the day.
I came to my senses this morning, and I'm going to have the surgery. I'm a firm believer in preventive medicine. I'm not dreading the surgery, but I'm really dreading the two weeks after the surgery when I'll be chomping at the bit to get back to the gym. I've worked so hard at being able to run that it sort of devastates me to have to stop for two whole weeks. On the other hand, cancer scares the heck out of me. I've lost a couple friends to cancer and it's not how I want my life to end.
My goal is to get below 160 by Dec. 11. That's more than a month away. I'm sure I can lose six pounds in a month. Never mind that the last six pounds took me three months to lose. I'm determined to step on that scale on December 11 and weight 159 or less. Maybe I can turn this negative into a positive.
Exercise 11/07/2008:
20 minute cardio blast treadmill (run, walk w/ incline 15, run - 2 minute intervals)
20 minutes strength, upper/lower
I had to cut my workout short. 1pm meeting, then met friends for dinner so couldn't work out after work either.
7 comments:
Glad to hear that you are getting the surgery. You have to take care of your health first and foremost!
Find out from the doctor if there is anything you can do physically after the surgery. You may be pleasantly surprised that there may be something that you can do...obviously the intensity would be decreased.
You know that you can get back into the swing of things after the surgery. Just keep thinking positive thoughts and try to drown out the negative no matter what.
Good luck.
Thanks Krista! I'm hoping because I'm physically pretty strong right now that this surgery won't knock me out of commission for two whole weeks. The nurse said maybe in a week, but probably two weeks, I could get back to working out.
I'm thinking after a week I can do walking or the elliptical, and light weights. Probably not running or the heavy weights I prefer, but at least it'll be something.
Thanks for the encouragement. Last night after I wrote this I thought to myself, I'll just call and cancel it tomorrow. This morning I thought no, I'm going through with it. I don't want to mess around with my health.
Diana,
Think about it this way...
It won't do you any good to be fit and skinny in a coffin.
I hate to put it so bluntly, but my maternal grandmother died at the age of 51 from ovarian cancer so this kind of hits close to home.
This is serious. Please take care of yourself. I'll keep you in my prayers.
wow. I'm surprised they're doing anything about the surgery. I've had a persistent cyst for about 4 years now, and they just note it and ignore it.
Kate - I go to the Virginia Mason clinic here in Seattle. They are very much into preventive medicine. Sometimes I feel like they go overboard in all the procedures they recommend.
I spent some time on the internet researching a persistent ovarian cyst in "mature" women (post-menopausal) and everything I read said it should be removed.
You don't look as old as me and so probably nothing to worry about. Although I didn't research persistent ovarian cysts in pre-menopausal women. You may to check out the info you can find online just to make sure it's nothing to worry about.
Diana, I'm sorry that you are in a position to have to have the surgery, but I am glad that it is a preventative measure. Not everyone is so lucky that have that opportunity, right?
You are still a BLBE rockstar and I'm sure you're will and determination will not allow you to be put out of commission completely. You would be surprised what all of that exercising can do for a metabolism to keep it revving during your down time. Maybe if you concentrate on strength training for the next month leading up to it, it will help you get through those two weeks?
It is only two weeks though girl, maybe you can look at it as a well deserved rest.
~A
Yes, definitely get the surgery. It's scary but necessary! Your health is #1.
And I think you will meet your goal, too!
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